Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Letting go and taking hold ...

December 19, 2005

I have begun to let go … of feelings about home, about New York City and about returning. It’s happening faster than I could have imagined. In fact I never imagined I could let go at all, much less so quickly. Maybe it’s a survival mechanism deep inside my unconscious that must make room for new places, new connections, relationships, a new butcher, a new laundry, a new vegetable vendor, a new kiosk man – all the people who people a life lived in a city.

Before we left I made a point of walking through the Village and saying good-bye to almost all of the people who made my life in the city possible. I did miss Arthur at the second-hand bookstore and Jim the firewood man. I regret those omissions but I will somehow make it up. I haven’t left New York for good. After all, we still have the cabin Upstate and will be returning there this summer. I expect to be in the city more than a few times in the next year and I’ll get around to telling all of the folks I care about that we have made the move to Europe, left New York, pulled up our roots and transplanted ourselves here.

Life is demanding right now. It doesn’t permit much in the way of second-guessing, at least not a life that has at it’s center a two year old boy. His Holiness is the engine that drives much of daily life. If it were not for him I doubt that I would have already made the acquaintance of half a dozen local merchants – or explored all the organic markets and bakeries within a mile or so of our apartment. I expect that if not for HH I would have a much better grasp on the bistros, restaurants, bars, and pizza joints in the area and would be doing a lot less food shopping and stroller strolling and cooking and a lot more eating out and staying up late. But it is the fact of him that makes life joyous and makes the adjustment to Koln a necessity rather than a choice. Sure, I could have hated the place but I didn’t and have found and continue to search for aspects of the city that please and interest me. Fate brought us to the Belgian Quarter and fate was kind. It is a perfect spot for our transition into Germany. Actually, I doubt there are many other places in the country that are quite so pleasing as the Belgian Quarter of Cologne. We have had a huge stroke of good fortune … thus far.